Après moi, le déluge

Unohana-taichou told me to write in a journal to keep track of my "progress". I've kept journals before, back when I was in the Academy, but I've long since stopped. I suppose doing that again will do me some good.

This morning, I overheard Unohana-taichou telling some 4th division members that I will be released in several days. I was so glad to hear that - I almost thought that I was going to be kept in the room forever. I hate having to stare at the four walls all day, and it doesn't help that it is so unbearably white. Needless to say, I'm excited that I'll be allowed to return to my room.

On the other hand, I'm afraid that I'll be deposed from my position in the 5th division after I leave the infirmary. I know that my health and my strength has deteriorated considerably, so it won't be impossible if they replace me with a more capable member. I don't want that to happen though. As much as I "can't handle pressure at the moment", I don't... want to be replaced. It took me so many years of hard work to get there, and despite losing my inspiration and... captain... 

I don't know.

I don't want to think right now. It's giving me a terrible migraine.









[edit] ... I hate thunderstorms.